Few days ago I had one of the huge cognitions in my life. One day I suffered some physical pain. Whole day and part of the night. It was snowing and I live on hill so nobody could get to me easily to help with dog and household. It triggered some sense of loneliness and feeling powerless. Next day I felt even more down although the pain was gone. And day after that I got back to my true self. So, all in all nothing special, right?
Well, while talking to with awesome Terrell who is fitness trainer and my colleague, about that experience he asked me – why did you create such an experience for yourself? Of course I tried to blame pain and circumstances but as I teach my clients – we are creators of our own life so….why on heaven earth did I create this one for my self? So after the conversation I asked myself – what am I running away from so hard that I don’t want to face it?
And it came to me an hour later – I am abandoned. I felt abandoned so much I befriended my abandonment. I nourished my belief of abandonment to level that it was sabotaging all aspects of my life. I was wondering all of my life why I sometimes go down to black hole of my shitty emotions. Now I know. To confirm my belief. To resent and ignore – myself.
All situations I attracted in my life were there to confirm my unconscious belief. And boy how this was affecting all other parts of my life – badly. I felt down for whole day not even calling anyone to talk – yes we coaches don’t ask for help easily but giving all we have to help others. Because I was exactly one phone call away, one dance away and one fucking choice away to change how I feel. But than I would have to give up my best friend – abandonment belief. I always thought I am not very consistent about so many things – but I guess I was wrong. How persistent and consistent are you with your patterns of behaviour and beliefs that destroy you and your whole life?
I became aware why some things are happening to me and me constantly wondering why.
I was resentful to my far bigger success so that I can keep my abandonment going.
I created debts so that people I owned money – reject me.
I said I do something – I didn’t
I refused to receive love
I resented losing weight
I asked for help but couldn’t receive it tp maintain feeling low
I am still single since I was going into relationships already abandoned – by myself. Guess what kind of men I attracted. And even the ones who truly loved me – I abandoned. Come on, my dear deep rooted belief was stronger than anything. I was one creating my own pains and wounds, more than anyone else. But it weakened enough – to come on surface and be ditched and buried – for ever.
And guess what happened that very day?
I heard a words I longed to hear for whole of my life – I am there for you – ALWAYS.
Next day my client decided to pay me more by herself.
I am getting songs every single day with certain message from my admirer. He knows how much I love music.
I am promoting my relationships program – Jazz up your love life and people are asking about my Jazzcoaching academy (still not on internet and second generations is enrolling now without any marketing)
Please, don’t be in any similar situation, you deserve the best of your life and don’t have to spend years of figuring out how and why. I have short cuts…in 3 months your life will flip that you won’t believe how your reality is awesome.
How does it get any better than this? Can’t wait to experience it.
And what else is possible?